When we are in a relationship with a narcissist, they can be hard to deal with. Something about their behavior seems different from others, and it can be hard to understand it when you’re still new to it all.
This guide will explain five ways you can better understand narcissists and how they operate to understand the best way to deal with them.
Understand Thier motives
No one wants to admit it, but everyone occasionally behaves in selfish ways. It is either towards grandiose me-first behavior or something much more innocuous.
Narcissists, by definition, fit into that latter category. Most are often labeled as sociopaths and characterized by egotism. These individuals are hardwired differently than most people—and even other personality disorders.
Understanding how they think will give you an insight into their motives and why they do what they do. This can help you develop strategies for dealing with narcissistic people without getting sucked into their bad behavior.
Know what triggers their bad behavior
Many narcissists are triggered by criticism, especially from someone they love. And the truth is, most of us criticize our partners somehow.
Although it’s impossible to eliminate criticism and thus reduce stress for your narcissistic partner, always try to be a little more constructive in how you speak and act around them.
For example, if your partner is having trouble at work, instead of saying why aren’t you doing more? You should be working harder. Instead, try something like how do you think I could help out?
Or even I’m here for you when you need me. Remember that although your goal is to improve their behavior, there are times when they might lash out at you as well.
That’s okay, remember that underneath all their crazy lies is a real person who loves and needs you. It might take some time before they show that side of themselves again.
Narcissists are superior in their mind
Although having high self-esteem is normal, people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder believe they are superior and special. They lack empathy and emotional intelligence, making it hard for them to recognize your feelings.
They may seem charming at first, but they will take advantage of your kindness without boundaries. And will make sure not to show any remorse or guilt when hurting others.
You mustn’t lower your expectations of other people just because they have been hurt by others in the past, and put up boundaries before investing too much into these relationships.
What tactics does they use on others?
Narcissists are master manipulators that enjoy other people’s suffering. They commonly use these techniques to help make others feel as small as possible: name-calling, criticizing, blaming, shaming, and gaslighting.
In short: whatever it takes to take down an opponent and make them feel bigger. Be aware that not all narcissists will use these exact tactics on others; some may be more aggressive or passive in their behavior.
For example, you may have a family member who is passive-aggressive or overly critical without making others feel worthless or insignificant for not living up to their standards.
Narcissists can’t self-reflect
Narcissists typically have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe that they are above other people. They rarely engage in self-reflection, making psychotherapy an ineffective treatment for narcissism.
Narcissists also have trouble forming genuine relationships because they lack empathy; it hurts their pride to say I’m sorry, but they don’t truly see how anyone else could be upset when they haven’t given anything up.
As much as you might want someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to get help, the person probably won’t consider therapy. But, if you can persuade them enough, therapy can do a lot of good for them.
Recognize boundaries are arbitrary
People with narcissistic personality disorder are often unaware of how their behavior affects others. That is why everyone else needs to recognize boundaries and realize that what feels like a boundary for one person may not be for another.
Some people draw boundaries more tightly than others. But, others have fewer boundaries and are generally more open in their interactions.
Keep an eye on where your limits lie, and know that these limits will shift over time based on your experiences, maturity, and support system.
Remove yourself from the situation when possible
Although it may be uncomfortable, it’s best not to feed into your narcissistic partner’s need for attention. If possible, remove yourself from situations that might trigger the person’s ego. It could save you from deeper heartache.
It’s also important to realize that a narcissist will never change, and it isn’t much you can do about it. It’s not worth wasting time trying to convince them otherwise—if anything, doing so will only make things worse.
Narcissists don’t care about other people’s feelings, so why should you? They’re only concerned with themselves and are incapable of empathy.
So, don’t expect any sympathy or pity if they hurt you somehow. The sooner you accept these facts, the easier it will be for you to move forward in life without dealing with their toxic behavior anymore.
Conclusion
Understanding what drives your loved one is difficult but not impossible. As they say, knowledge is power, and by knowing more about what motivates a narcissist, you’re in a much better position to deal with that person on your terms.
For example, when someone makes an unreasonable request of you or threatens punishment for non-compliance, it’s easier for you to defend yourself if you know why that person does what they do.
Once your loved one comes around and sees things from your perspective, then it might be time for another discussion about boundaries. Until then, breathe and stay calm while keeping grounded in truth.