When you’re parenting after trauma, your focus naturally turns to your child and helping them recover from the pain they’ve experienced. However, it’s essential not to neglect yourself and your own needs during this time since doing so could negatively impact your parenting abilities.
Studies have shown that childhood trauma can affect children as they grow up and can be linked to depression, anxiety, drug addiction, and many other social problems. Nevertheless, there are several things parents can do to help their children recover after a traumatic event and may even help prevent issues from arising in the first place.
This article is tailored to help you cope with trauma and meet your child’s needs best when you or they have been affected by trauma.
Forms of Trauma
One is traumatized when they feel threatened, which is the case with children who rely on those close to them for safety and love. Abuse can be traumatic, but traumatic experiences are numerous.
- Neglect
- Separations
- Violence between caregivers
- Natural disasters
- Accidents
How the Brain Reacts to Trauma
When you are confronted with a painful experience, your brain will ensure that you never forget it. Such incidents are remembered in mind and by the body. Trauma can be viewed as a succession of sensations accompanied by sound, scent, and sentiments.
They can enter the present, with the person experiencing them unaware that they recall a memory. Memories can also be remembered in this manner. Any of these events could trigger a child’s memory of what occurred to them, causing them to become terrified. That is referred to as a trigger.
Triggers
Triggers can be odors, sounds, locations, postures, or vocal tones. For example, if someone is nervous about violence at home, this may lead to anxiety about school. Physical violence or retreat are examples of these changes. Even for a toddler, identifying triggers might be complex. If a child learns what a trigger is, they will be more cautious to avoid it.
Associated Disorders
The linked problem manifests itself in various ways, such as when children are unable to concentrate because they are constantly on alert. If caregivers and doctors do not recognize the effects of trauma on development, children with experience may exhibit hyperarousal or hypervigilance, symptoms that are easily confused with hyperactivity and indifference may lead to an incorrect diagnosis of ADHD.
Traumatized children may also be filled with emotion and struggle with unexpected events. Their desire for control may be misconstrued as deceptive or demanding that everything be done their way. These violent behaviors may be difficult to transition from one activity to another, even if they were suitable at the time of the trauma, but they may no longer be appropriate.
What Foster and Adoptive Parents Can do to Help
Children adopted or who are in foster care have frequently experienced trauma. They may be able to detect and deal with the threat that others do not, and their minds may constantly be “on guard.”
Many of these children have never learned to rely on steady, dependable parents, and traditional parenting methods may no longer be effective. It can be difficult to recall that these emotions may occur with you, but they are not about you. These intense sentiments are a result of the previous traumas.
Learning to Trust After Trauma
All newborn newborns are defenseless and reliant. Consistent and caring caretakers teach babies to trust others and to feel worthwhile and deserving of love. This is crucial for a child’s healthy development. We cannot survive without the assistance of others. It is especially true when times are tough.
Adults who are supportive and compassionate can assist a youngster in recovering from traumatic circumstances. Some youngsters may have never had adults help them before and may be unaware that people can assist them or be trusted.
They may be resistant to outside assistance. Adults’ lack of trust can be misinterpreted as disdain towards authority. This can cause issues at home and school. It can also make learning more difficult.
It might be challenging to determine who is affected by trauma. Children who have been abused may withdraw from people and appear shy and fearful. They might also be extremely friendly to everyone they meet.
They may overstep personal boundaries, putting themselves at risk of further abuse. They must choose between “trust no one” and “trust everyone, but not too much.”
Strategies That Can Help You and Your Child Adjust to Trauma’s Effects
- Learn to recognize and avoid (or reduce) “triggers.” Determine what distracts or causes anxiety in your youngster. Make an effort to reduce these things.
- Establish routines for your child (for each day, meals, and bedtime), so they know what to expect.
- Simple decisions can give your youngster a sense of control. It will help if you respect your child’s decisions.
- Try to remain calm. Find strategies to respond to outbursts that do not exacerbate the situation. Reduce your volume. Do not yell or act aggressively. Do not gaze or look directly at your youngster for an extended period. Some children perceive this as a danger.
- When your kid keeps you at a distance, stay available and responsive.
- Avoid physical punishment as a form of discipline. It may trigger panic and out-of-control behavior in a child who has been abused.
Allow your youngster to express their emotions. Teach your child words to explain their feelings while calm and words to use when they are distressed. Show kids acceptable ways to deal with their feelings. Then, commend them for expressing their emotions or for calming down.
Conclusion
The most challenging part of parenting after trauma is finding a balance between focusing on your child’s needs, acknowledging your history as well as any challenges you may face as a result of it, and respecting your child’s experience.
By understanding your child’s feelings and acting in ways that validate those feelings—and staying connected with them through open dialogue—you can create an environment that supports both of you.
If you’re struggling with parenting and trauma, do contact a mental health expert in your locality.