The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, but for many people, they can also be a source of stress and conflict. If you have difficult family members who make you feel anxious, angry, or hurt, you may dread spending time with them during the festive season. However, there are some strategies that can help you communicate more effectively with your relatives and protect your emotional well-being. Here are some tips:
How to deal with difficult family members over the holidays and take care of yourself emotionally
- Manage your expectations. Don’t expect your family members to change their behavior or personality just because it’s the holidays. If you have a history of conflict or tension with them, be realistic about what you can expect from them. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment or resentment by hoping for a miracle. Instead, focus on what you can control: your own attitude and actions. “Expectations can be a self-made trap for our own reactivity. Our attempts to change others usually result in their greater defensiveness and unwillingness to change.”
- Make a solid plan. Think ahead of how you want to handle the situation if things get uncomfortable or unpleasant. Have an exit strategy in case you need to leave early or take a break from the conversation. Set boundaries about what topics you are willing or unwilling to discuss, and stick to them. If possible, avoid triggers that may spark an argument or hurt feelings, such as politics, religion, or personal issues. You can also plan some positive activities that can distract from the negativity, such as playing games, watching a movie, or going for a walk.
- Emphasize your shared interests. Instead of focusing on your differences, try to find some common ground with your difficult family members. You may have some hobbies, passions, or experiences that you can bond over. You can also express appreciation for their positive qualities or actions, such as their generosity, humor, or skills. By showing interest and gratitude, you can create a more positive atmosphere and reduce the chances of conflict.
- Use assertive communication skills. If you do encounter a disagreement or a criticism from your difficult family member, don’t react with anger or defensiveness. Instead, use assertive communication skills to express your feelings and needs respectfully and calmly. For example, you can use “I” statements to avoid blaming or accusing the other person, such as “I feel hurt when you say that” or “I need some space right now”. You can also use active listening skills to show that you understand their point of view, even if you don’t agree with it, such as “I hear that you are frustrated” or “I see that this is important to you”. By communicating assertively, you can avoid escalating the situation and maintain your dignity.
- Take care of yourself emotionally. Dealing with difficult family members can take a toll on your mental health and well-being. That’s why it’s important to practice self-care during the holidays and beyond. Make sure you have some time for yourself to relax and recharge. Do some activities that make you happy and fulfilled, such as reading, meditating, exercising, or listening to music. You can also reach out to supportive friends or professionals who can offer you emotional support and validation. Remember that you are not alone in this situation, and that you deserve respect and kindness.
In Conclusion:
The holidays can be challenging when you have difficult family members who make you feel stressed or unhappy. However, by following these tips, you can communicate more effectively with them and take care of yourself emotionally. You may not be able to change them, but you can change how you respond to them.
Call Davenport Psychology today for help communicating better or just to get through the holiday season!