Grief is common among people who have experienced significant losses, whether it’s the death of a loved one or some other change or upheaval in your life.
Grief symptoms include sadness, difficulty sleeping, crying, anxiety, and more. While these feelings are normal responses to what you’re going through, they can become overwhelming and prevent you from functioning normally in your daily life if they continue for too long.
So how long do griefs last? Let’s explore that question in this article.
The Science of Grief
The word grief comes from Middle English grievous, which means heavy. It originally meant physical pain, but now it usually refers to mental pain instead. The first known use of grief was around 1300 AD.
Grief is an emotional reaction that we all experience, yet there is no universal way to cope with it. Grieving is a personal, intimate process, which can range from a few days to months or even years.
Grieving helps us accept our loss by allowing us to say goodbye in our way. In addition, our grief allows us to grieve over and celebrate someone we have lost.
In Old English, griowan meant to suffer. In modern usage, grieving is often used interchangeably with mourning—which can mean feeling sad about something that has happened or preparing for something bad that will happen soon.
But mourning also has religious connotations (such as observing a period after death), while grieving does not.
Causes of Grief
There are two main causes of grief, sudden loss and death. Sudden loss is what happens when someone dies unexpectedly. An expected death—say, from an illness—can still cause grief, but it can often be worse if you don’t have time to prepare for your loved one’s passing.
The second cause of grief is losing something important in your life, such as a job or home. If you experience any major loss in your life, it’s normal to feel grief over that change. However, the length and intensity will vary depending on how significant the change is in your life.
Grief is also unique to each person; while there are general stages that people go through, they aren’t universal. You may not pass through all of them, or you may experience them differently than others do.
Stages of Grief
Grief is different for everyone. But, because no two people are alike, there is no one-size-fits-all way to grieve. Instead, there are five stages of grief that many people go through when dealing with death or a similar loss.
It’s important to know that you might experience these feelings in any order more than once if you feel it is necessary. The stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. If you find yourself stuck in one stage for an extended period (or even repeating a stage), seek help from a professional counselor or therapist.
In general terms, denial is about avoiding reality as much as possible. Anger involves lashing out at others because you can’t control your emotions.
Bargaining happens when you try to deal with God or another higher power to keep someone alive or bring them back. Depression occurs when you realize that what happened was final and there will be no going back. Acceptance means finally coming to terms with the death and accepting it as part of life.
One thing that makes grief so hard is how long it lasts—and how it can come up again unexpectedly at any time, even years later. It’sUnfortunately, it’s difficult to predict how long grief will last for any one person; everyone deals with loss differently.
How Long Will It Last?
You might wonder if you’ll ever get over grief. Grief usually begins to fade after a few weeks or months, but some people grieve for years. You may think that time heals all wounds, but grief never completely goes away for many people.
Instead of becoming less intense, it changes over time as you adjust to life without your loved one.
Essentially, grief typically lasts between six months and four years. One study found that intense grief-related feelings peaked at about four to six months, then gradually declined over the next two years of observation.
There are various lengths of mourning periods among various cultures, but one year is the generally accepted period in the US. Unfortunately, this heartache will continue even after the mourning period has passed.
When Will I Start to Feel Better?
All feelings come in waves. Think of your grief as a boat floating out at sea. Each wave is a feeling; when you’re not fighting it, you’re riding it. The peaks are high, and the low points are low, but eventually, it will improve.
Just remember that grief is a process—not an event or person—and accept that healing is different for everyone. It’s okay to feel angry, sad, frustrated, etc., but don’t let these emotions stop you from moving forward. You will always have both good and bad days, so try to focus on what you can do right now to feel better.
You may want to reach out to friends and family who have been through similar experiences (or who have just been supportive) for advice on coping during their grieving process.
Talk Therapy Can Help
According to a study, psychological therapy can help reduce grief symptoms. If you’re still experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety following bereavement, talking with a therapist can help you manage those issues.
It’s important to work closely with your doctor when pursuing treatment for grief-related issues—and while it may take some time to see results, talk therapy is one of your best tools for finding peace.
The American Psychological Association (APA) recommends cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which aims to improve thinking patterns that are detrimental to recovery.
You may also find support groups helpful; studies show that group interventions are more effective than individual counseling at reducing depressive symptoms in people who have lost loved ones.
Wrap up
Others likely expect you to be completely healed in a few weeks or months. Do not be too hard on yourself. It takes time. It’s not uncommon for people to be hard on themselves, often feeling that they should be further along in the grieving process than they are.
Every person grieves differently: there is no one-time frame for grief. Letting yourself grieve properly is the best way to move on. You’re not in this alone. Find out about available options through professional help and talk to your doctor.